Those we hold near and dear.

So, Vic and I've been having run ins with Memento Mori lately... And it's been bad. But, thankfully, we found someone to fix us up!

And I'm fairly certain Memento Mori will ruin my chances with Warren. Whatever slim chance I may've had. Oh well, I guess. All the same, maybe he and I can be damn good friends? -laughs a little-

All the same, I've made a few friends and I'm loving it. This is gonna get pretty damn fun! And I swear, I'll protect each of them.

Anyway, gonna hop off.
Love,
Your Mistress Myth!

Okay. So.

I need to blog more often, fucking damn. Well. I am...

Well, I was pregnant. Apparently, when I had no clue I was pregnant, and kept partying, I fucked up. Big time. At least, that's what the doctor told me. Also blamed it partially on my body rejecting the pregnancy. I promptly punched that fucker in the face and left the office. Came home, and for the past two days have been drinking a bit to take the edge off. I'm trying not to let it show that I'm hurting, but I'm sure people've noticed.

And those people know exactly who they are... -sighs- I feel like a failure. Like life doesn't even want me to try being a mother. And, maybe, partially it is my own fear. Fear that I'll be like my father.

Also learned something. I'm just a little cranky and clingy when I'm drunk, and it takes at least six bottles of bourbon, big bottles of bourbon mind you, to get me drunk to the point I forget who I am.

Well, with that in mind, off to buy more booze and drown m'sorrows!

Remember...

I remember... The pain, from that day. How the knife quickly sliced through my back, jagged and uneven. How each letter felt deeper than the last. The feeling of blood pouring out of the new carvings. The feeling of being so close to death, I saw the guardian of the gates to hell smile at me with his arms wide open.

How could I ever forget how my screams echoed in the stone basement of the church, right across from my very home? How my mother just closed her eyes as my father carried my weak, bloody body back into the house without a word, and she continued doing the dishes like he had just brought home some groceries... I remember the lie that I just had the flu... That my siblings couldn't see me, lest they get suspicious. How I laid there, for god knows how long, getting sicker and sicker until Alexander carted me off to the train station.

I remember the bloody train car. It brings tears to my eyes even now. I remember fading in and out of consciousness that whole damn ride down south, then being pulled out by that kind soul... I'll never forget that tired, aged face of the man who rescued me. How weary he was. How he took care of me.

Shit, I'm crying now... All because I looked in the mirror, and saw them.

Uriel at the top, between my shoulders... "God is my Light."
Raphael follows him at the middle part of my back. "God Heals."
Gabriel finishes at my lower back... "The Strength of God."

I remember my father telling me why he chose those names as he carved them into my back. Uriel, picked to light my path to "God". Raphael, to "heal" me of my "sin" of being a mutant. Gabriel, to give me the strength to carry on after his own sins plagued me.

I nearly died on that train, and countless times before and after. The first time I had solid food after that day was four months later, and another month before I could keep it down. What father does this to his daughter? They may have healed up, but these scars will never go away.

All I want is for them to leave. I never want to see them again, yet, when I look at my back, I see them. In the mirror, I see them. I feel them. They cause endless suffering...

I just wish someone could take those memories and replace them with something good. Erase my thirteenth birthday from my mind, and replace it with love. Only love.


Mistress Myth.

I'm on my way.

Gotta make something of myself for once. Not as a member of the X-Men, not just as Mistress Myth. I've been thinking, and so far, I'm just an illusionist to the world. A mutant outcast.

But who am I really? What am I really?

I'm on my way to find out. Even though it means leaving the only place I've felt safe since I got my powers. I can't keep thinking like this, I'm sorry.

Love,
Mistress Myth

Am I...

It's been plaguing my mind really bad lately. This fear, this worry that someday, I'm going to disappear. Cease to exist again. That only happens with my illusions, I think. I know he illusions I created as a child, to comfort me, all begged me to not let them disappear.

I laughed, back then. I used to think, just so long as there was a faint memory, you could still come back. But I realize, that's not the case. The last time I was afraid of disappearing, the real me was close to death, and illusion me walked around like she was me. Then, when I was close to waking up, I remember hearing her thoughts.

"I'm real. I can't disappear. It can't happen. This is me. This is real. I don't want to disappear."

Am I... Just someone's illusion?