Things I Have Learned On Utopia

1. Do not throw things into the ocean. Namor WILL get you.
2. Getting everyone on Utopia to wear Santa hats will not happen, no matter how much you beg.
3. Tigers do not like the smell of Dior.
4. The Danger Room is NOT a Virtual Reality Video Gaming system, no matter how much we want it to be.
5. Emma Frost is very proud to admit the only "fake" thing about her are her tits, everything else was built through sex and exercise. 
6. Scott Summers is one very lucky jackass.
7. Lightbreaker, my teammate, gets drunk off of pure eggnog too easily and should thereby be banned from it.
8. It is exceedingly fun to make fun of any "X-MEN" film in existence.
9. Do NOT piss Emma Frost off. She can make you think you're eight months pregnant and female without regretting it.
10. Being engaged to Remy LeBeau is like having the plague. Except twice as deadly, and a hell of a lot more fun.
11. Once you get to Utopia, you never want to leave, or trade it for anything.

I Need To Feel Real.

I can just feel my sanity cracking, slipping away, falling to pieces around me. I'm losing Victor, god damn it, I'm losing him! If this were any other friend, I'd cry and scream at them for a few minutes then go laugh it up with him at a club...

But it's Victor. He's the other part of me. He's... He's my best friend. One of the only people in this world I could trust and be myself around! He's seen sides of me I wouldn't dare show anyone else. Seen sides of me I'll never show Remy. Sides of me reserved just for him... He knows me better than anyone else in this world, and yet...

I can't lose him like this. I'm breaking. I can't break. Not like this. I have no sense of reality anymore, I'm losing all touch with it. It's vanishing. Soon, all I see will be illusions at this rate. I need something to hold onto. What do I have? What can I hold on to? Friends? No, I'm losing Victor. Loves? No, I'm scared it's not real.

I need to know this is real! I can't live like this! Where is the reality?!

I just need to feel real.

Okay then!

...So. I went to Yuriko and Logan's wedding, it was absolutely AMAZING! So beautiful, you guys! Ugh, of all the times to NOT totally own a camera! Just, ugh. Even Kageko looked so stunning...

Kageko... I feel like I've wronged her something horrible. I knew how she felt about me. -sighs- But I'm fairly sure I'll be bad luck for anyone who gets too close. Especially someone so refined and lovely as her.

And don't get me started on the night with Harley. Oh my word... Well. Let's leave it at that, yes? The day after that, Remy...

Well, he took me out to Paris, to a LOVELY dinner... And then proposed. ...He explained it's to keep his ex-wife from killing me. What am I supposed to say to that? "No, I can take care of myself"? ...Okay, so, I wanted to say that. BUT.

Got to kick some major ASS yesterday on Vic's birthday. So, all in all, I've been busy.

ALSO. THIS.

Myth out!

An Update On Mistress Myth

I swear I can't believe it... Yesterday especially was nuts, but to give you a full rundown?

After a while, I met this woman named Kageko. She's awfully sweet and kind. Yuriko Oyama's sister, and for a while, she had The Phoenix Force. She seems to have fallen for me, but I won't treat her how Warren treated me. I won't just brush her off like that.

Speaking of Warren, he's happily off with Betsy and I'm glad. She's good for him, I think. I haven't gotten to meet her, I think I should hold off on that.

I decorated all of Utopia with a small committee. Seems my little sculpted angels and sugarplum and Christmas-themed fairies are a huge hit! Everyone loves them, Kurt especially.

Kurt, Victor and myself all baked some cookies and stuff. We were supposed to go get bedazzling equipment to bedazzle Remy a santa hat yesterday, but...

Well, I had met this girl. Harley Quinn. Harley... She was scarred, hurt by a man she loved. I saw myself in those teary, frightened eyes. I had to help her. Protect her. Save her.

I know why Emma said no. I understood why she said no. But... Every time I think of Harley, I think of myself, too. My father hurt me. He hurt me like a father never should hurt his daughter. Joker hurt Harley beyond what any one should do to any one else.

I overreacted, and then... I got attacked by Memento Mori again. He hit when he knew I was emotionally and mentally weak. My arm's all bandaged up now. Have to keep it hidden from Kageko. After that, I found out...

Deadpool... Big guy. He died. Bein' the hero, who'dda thought? I made the resolve last night... That I won't be weak anymore. I'll be strong. He died for all of us...

With that in mind, I apologized to Emma... And told Remy I loved him.

A song that... Seems perfect for us out on Utopia.

Love,
Mistress Myth.

Hell and Happiness

So, like, I have crawled from the ashes of my ruined life to come on top once again! Woohoo!

So, after all that shit, what do I wanna do? Other than nap and recover from that fight with that UGLY ASS MOTHERFUCKING SYMBIOTE. Hospital trip was not fun. EXPLAINING to the doctor was worse.

Best part? Spending that wonderful night with Warren... Even thinking about him now sends my heart fluttering madly out of control! I know not to expect anything, but... Damn. I can't help it, y'know? I...

Oh! New Ke$ha song to dance to! Gotta run! Also. Psst. My writer's gonna be posting something on here, next!

ALSO. I MAY JUST TRY TO KILL EMMA FROST IF THIS KEEPS UP.

Those we hold near and dear.

So, Vic and I've been having run ins with Memento Mori lately... And it's been bad. But, thankfully, we found someone to fix us up!

And I'm fairly certain Memento Mori will ruin my chances with Warren. Whatever slim chance I may've had. Oh well, I guess. All the same, maybe he and I can be damn good friends? -laughs a little-

All the same, I've made a few friends and I'm loving it. This is gonna get pretty damn fun! And I swear, I'll protect each of them.

Anyway, gonna hop off.
Love,
Your Mistress Myth!

Okay. So.

I need to blog more often, fucking damn. Well. I am...

Well, I was pregnant. Apparently, when I had no clue I was pregnant, and kept partying, I fucked up. Big time. At least, that's what the doctor told me. Also blamed it partially on my body rejecting the pregnancy. I promptly punched that fucker in the face and left the office. Came home, and for the past two days have been drinking a bit to take the edge off. I'm trying not to let it show that I'm hurting, but I'm sure people've noticed.

And those people know exactly who they are... -sighs- I feel like a failure. Like life doesn't even want me to try being a mother. And, maybe, partially it is my own fear. Fear that I'll be like my father.

Also learned something. I'm just a little cranky and clingy when I'm drunk, and it takes at least six bottles of bourbon, big bottles of bourbon mind you, to get me drunk to the point I forget who I am.

Well, with that in mind, off to buy more booze and drown m'sorrows!

Remember...

I remember... The pain, from that day. How the knife quickly sliced through my back, jagged and uneven. How each letter felt deeper than the last. The feeling of blood pouring out of the new carvings. The feeling of being so close to death, I saw the guardian of the gates to hell smile at me with his arms wide open.

How could I ever forget how my screams echoed in the stone basement of the church, right across from my very home? How my mother just closed her eyes as my father carried my weak, bloody body back into the house without a word, and she continued doing the dishes like he had just brought home some groceries... I remember the lie that I just had the flu... That my siblings couldn't see me, lest they get suspicious. How I laid there, for god knows how long, getting sicker and sicker until Alexander carted me off to the train station.

I remember the bloody train car. It brings tears to my eyes even now. I remember fading in and out of consciousness that whole damn ride down south, then being pulled out by that kind soul... I'll never forget that tired, aged face of the man who rescued me. How weary he was. How he took care of me.

Shit, I'm crying now... All because I looked in the mirror, and saw them.

Uriel at the top, between my shoulders... "God is my Light."
Raphael follows him at the middle part of my back. "God Heals."
Gabriel finishes at my lower back... "The Strength of God."

I remember my father telling me why he chose those names as he carved them into my back. Uriel, picked to light my path to "God". Raphael, to "heal" me of my "sin" of being a mutant. Gabriel, to give me the strength to carry on after his own sins plagued me.

I nearly died on that train, and countless times before and after. The first time I had solid food after that day was four months later, and another month before I could keep it down. What father does this to his daughter? They may have healed up, but these scars will never go away.

All I want is for them to leave. I never want to see them again, yet, when I look at my back, I see them. In the mirror, I see them. I feel them. They cause endless suffering...

I just wish someone could take those memories and replace them with something good. Erase my thirteenth birthday from my mind, and replace it with love. Only love.


Mistress Myth.

I'm on my way.

Gotta make something of myself for once. Not as a member of the X-Men, not just as Mistress Myth. I've been thinking, and so far, I'm just an illusionist to the world. A mutant outcast.

But who am I really? What am I really?

I'm on my way to find out. Even though it means leaving the only place I've felt safe since I got my powers. I can't keep thinking like this, I'm sorry.

Love,
Mistress Myth

Am I...

It's been plaguing my mind really bad lately. This fear, this worry that someday, I'm going to disappear. Cease to exist again. That only happens with my illusions, I think. I know he illusions I created as a child, to comfort me, all begged me to not let them disappear.

I laughed, back then. I used to think, just so long as there was a faint memory, you could still come back. But I realize, that's not the case. The last time I was afraid of disappearing, the real me was close to death, and illusion me walked around like she was me. Then, when I was close to waking up, I remember hearing her thoughts.

"I'm real. I can't disappear. It can't happen. This is me. This is real. I don't want to disappear."

Am I... Just someone's illusion?