Vacation!

So, just got back in from a fudging SWEET luau! Well for the most part it was sweet.

You guys ever seen Thor or Iron Man at the beach? Delicious men, ladies. Absolutely delicious. Why did I op to stay sober? I wanted some adult fun! The Avengers have all the lovely men.

That aside, the beach was a lot of fun and it was really cool. I met this guy... Rion? He seemed nice. I participated in a relay race with Julian...

And there's when the vacation went straight to hell. He made me feel like I don't belong back on Utopia. And I don't, do I? I don't belong with them. We won the race, but he just made me so miserable. That night and the following day, I just... Laid in bed and cried. I want to belong, to fit in...

Then when we leave, Emma got on my case for something I said in passing, made me feel even worse.

I don't belong there. I'm not an X-Man, am I? I'm just a mutant, nothing more, nothing less. I'm a middle-school drop out without a job. I'm a grown woman with no direction in life. I'm not even Mistress Myth anymore. I'm just... Autumn Eve Trinity. And I am nothing.

It hurts more now. I can't grasp onto what I thought I was. My confidence is slipping. I can't keep doing this. I have to stabilize myself.

Just Smile

Okay, at least I admit it. But all giggling over the sexy phantom in white aside.

Just figured I'd talk about myself for once. I don't really do it that often, so stop complaining. Found a song that seriously... Guh. You know a song that just describes you to a T? I found one for myself.

The video posted in this blog entry is totally it.

My parents did display public affection a few times, but never out in public. No one ever talked to me about love for anything other than god. Actually... Did my parents ever kiss?

I taught myself what "making love" was, I learned what a kiss was, all underground. I learned my own definition of love, and now I think... All love is? Is being hurt.

I hate learning what love is, when I think I've already felt it. This... Love that's going to go unrequited.

In my last entry, I basically fangirled all about Fantomex, yeah. I want him, on a complete physical and intellectual level. I know this. I acknowledge it fairly well. He's smart, sexy, and has this way with words. Oh, and what he can do with enough time and a woman in his bed...

Bad. No. Do not talk about sex on your blog, Autumn!

ANYWAY. BEFORE THIS GETS TRIPLE X RATED.

I... I still think I love Remy. I think I'm always going to. About half of my illusion was real. Half of it was him. I fell in love, for real, I think. It was a greedy love, at first. I was still a child. I only wanted him for myself, and never ever share him. I wanted to kiss him, feel his arms around me, and I thought that meant I was happy. Even now, I do want to hear him say he loves me.

But, now? I would rather he was happy with whoever he wants, and I was miserable if I had to be. The thought of him, smiling an honest smile, living the kind of life he wants to? It makes my heart skip beats and I know everything is okay. I'm fine if I have to watch him have a life without me, ever. I'll make my own life, but I'll be okay.

Just so long as he is smiling an honest smile, and loving his life.

Okay, so, like, I'm SUPER tired right now...

I believe I told you all about Fantomex before, right? He wears all white, sexy, thief, speaks French randomly... Well, Deadpool visited not that long saying he was looking for him.

And then told me that what happened between me and him was not part of the illusion. I was so excited, so happy... I want to see him again soon, but no idea how I could even...

Oh, but you don't understand how happy I am just to know that it wasn't an illusion! Something real!

(Side thought, I think I'd look good with him regardless. All my color and his pure white canvas of a costume? Of course, I'm thinking of other things, too. *giggles* ...Oh don't give me those looks! I'm a sexual woman who's been deprived for god knows how long anymore.)

Now, someone asked if I'll ever get back with Gambit. And honestly? ...No, I doubt I ever will. And I'll get over it someday. For now, part of me still... Still loves what I know of him. He'll never care, never know, and I'm fine with that. The string of fate probably isn't for us.

But I would like to know who is on the other end of my string.

Now, to add to the drama of hell. Laura might not be coming home, and I'm in charge of giving her kid this envelope... Is it a rule of thumb? Mutant = FUBAR?

I'm telling you. God is either the greatest sin of all, or just doesn't exist!

As for all Utopia happenings... I know jack shit. Still in Manhattan with mom!

The new me!

Hey guys! Updating from Manhattan with my mom. She designed a new costume for me, as well as got me this new arm.

On a different note, I have changed quite a bit while I've been here... I'm glad I got to spend time with my mom. I've changed, I can tell. Instead of being afraid, hurt and upset... I look to the future, ready to take on anyone and anything.

Soooo....

The adults are back. Remy got back with Rogue.

Its useless. I cant have him. That illusion was merely that, and it breaks my heart.

That aside, I am typing onehanded, ignore typos. Why/ My left arm got hacked off when the Purifiers attacked. FUCK! Tis is hard.

Mistress Myth

LIFE is INSANE

So, after... An interesting conversation last night in the kitchen, and... A /wonderful/ night in Remy's bed, I'm... Involved with him again.

But now he and all the other senior X-Men are gone. I have no clue where. It's up to us now.

Hey guys...

I wish I could say I haven't updated because I'm busy being a mom and an X-Man...

No, it isn't true. All of my relationship with him turned out to be such a believable illusion, it fooled even me. I've tried to pursue an actual relationship with him, but to no avail. And somewhere down the road, Victor tried to cheer me up with some X tabs.

My life has been so fucked up, and I'm trying to make it better... Even tried to pick up my classes, y'know? Finish school and all... And I just... I'm still so injured. I was so happy in that illusion sometimes... It felt like, at last, I was allowed to be happy. And now I'm back to lonely misery.

All I want... All I ever wanted... Is to be loved.

Victor told Remy, after we tried going out and stuff... I had no idea, until I was at his plantation house in New Orleans. Then the very next day, he said something like, "She's a nice girl and all, but it'd be too weird."

My heart shattered. It's pointless. I can't have him, I get it now.

But why do I want him so bad? Why do I want him to love me? Why him?

Marie and Sofie

Twins!

I finally had the twins a few days ago. They're small, and were born premature, but... Oh, gods, they're beautiful. My babies. My precious little babies.

And... I'm an official X-Man now! Remy has to take care of the twins while I train, though... But I make sure to spend as much time as I can with my babies. I love them so much! Ohh...

Don't think I forgot what Remy did. I'll kick his ass when... I have time to kick ass.

Eep! Twins crying! Update you more later! Myth out! Love you!

Bayou Romance

Picture is by http://johnyume.deviantart.com/

I Can't Survive

It turns out he had no idea what was going on with the bombs. So I pestered Emma until she sent Sam and I to go retrieve him from Antartica. This was just a couple of days ago. Warren was the one who got me to believe.

Warren and I are semi-friends now, I think. I don't know. We had a good talk... He called me a survivor. And, looking at my past, I understand why. I've survived all of hell. Everything that's been thrown at me, I've walked away from. Bloody, injured, forever damaged, but I survived. Right?

I think this might be where I finally give up. I don't want to risk the lives of my children, but I don't see my life ever perking up. Never again. I am stuck in a perpetual state of tragedy and anguish. Some mornings, I don't even want to get out of bed.

Let me explain. Yesterday, I was visiting Remy in the med-bay, happy as hell that he was alive. And then she walks in.

Rogue.

Sam makes the mistake of coming in shortly after. (During the brief moment she and Remy speak to each other, he makes no indication he's married, or even states who I am. And I am MUCH too angry to speak, for fear of calling her a two-bit whore.) Sam Guthrie asks her on a date...

To which MY HUSBAND, my husband, looks like he's ready to launch a full scale ARMY against him for this single act! Like she was... Some Helen of fucking Troy or something!

Yet his wife gets seduced by some... Fake-French thief, and he doesn't bat an eye? What the fuck? Do you just not care?

I have wanted to die in the past... Repeatedly. Contemplated suicide, but tricked myself into thinking it'll get better.

...
......
.........
............
It won't get better from here. It's only going to get worse. After the twins are born, I might just... I might really do it...

I... I...

How could this happen...

All of the students went on vacation, Sofie too... I opted to stay home, I wanted a bit of peace and quiet. Things were fine until today.

I went down to the rec room, just to relax in the company of anyone else who stayed behind. The TV was on the news. The island the children were at was attacked, and... I don't know who's alive, or who's dead. And I'm scared.

And then Warren comes on screen, to say this was caused by one of our own. A thief among our ranks had stolen the explosives used.

My own husband is responsible for this. My own husband! I could scarcely breath. I can't even begin to understand...

Paige Guthrie had to help me to my room, where I proceeded to remove my ring and hide it...

And all plans for my wedding were immediately ripped to pieces, and now stretch across the bedroom floor.

Mistress Myth Official and some updates!

First off~ Here's me~

So~ Just a bit of an update. We went to Mephisto's Realm and brought Kurt back. Which was suhWEET. Come home, find out...

I'm having TWINS! A boy and a girl. Jeremie Victor LeBeau and Natalie Emma LeBeau. I'm so happy. *dreamy sigh~*

On another note... Emma and I are friends now. Totes creepy right? But it's cool. She's... She's not bad at all. Then the other day, Laura, Victor and I went out shopping. Didn't tell Hellion.

Anyway! I hear a hubby calling me. Love you all lots!

Mistress Myth

Quizes I took!

First off, I took a Date A Superhero Chick quiz! I seriously would tap Storm if given the chance. -laughs-

Take the Date a Superhero Chick Quiz
Your Results:
	Storm 100% You want a no-nonsense woman who leads a clean life. You also like dark skinned and mysteriously foreign chicks. Make sure you treat her like the Goddess she is.
	Lady Deathstrike You are totally gonna die on this date. But good luck screaming for your life while Lady Deathstrike takes your manhood as she uses you for Wolverine hunting practice.	93.5%
	Psylocke Psylocke might show you her sensitive Betsy Bradock side. If she does you're a lucky guy. Otherwise watch out, you're in for the night of your life.	92.9%
	Elektra She'll basically kill you. Treat her right or you might get a vasectomy courtesy of her ninja sword.	92.4%

Then I took a Date a Superhero Guy quiz...

Take the Date a Superhero Dude Quiz
Your Results:
	Thor 100% You're conceited and you like handsome foreign manly-men. Thor's bit crazy and hard to get along with. But he vacations in Asgaard. I hear the weather's good.
	Gambit Gambit is a suave guy. He will charm the pants off of you. He has a way with women and will steal your heart if you're not careful. Give him a chance and he will charge up your life.	99.8%
	Human Torch You literally like 'em hot. Human Torch has what it takes to heat you up. He'll give you a date you won't forget. Just be careful when playing with fire.	96.1%
	Jack Bauer Jack Bauer will do whatever it takes to get the job done. Should his mission be to show you a good time, you will have a night you will never forget. You might want to bring earplugs in case Jack needs to yell at someone.	94.1%

EWWWW. THOR?! Guh.

Then Where Am I. Eh, it works.

Take the Where am I?
Your Results:
	Xavier Institute for Higher Learning 100% Haha! You're in school. Pretty people with awesome super powers with a dash of teen angst. You lucked out. Now get to class! Your next class is the Effect of the X-Gene on Microbiology 202. Good luck.
	Springfield Duh duhduh duduh duh duh dududududuh. That's how you're supposed to sing the song. Welcome to Springfield, . There's so much stuff to do and see, but I'm sure you probably just hang out with Comic Book Guy and just talk about how everything is the worst thing ever.	99.1%
	Oa I'm pretty sure that if you hear that stupid "In brightest day... In blackest night" b.s. anymore, you'll murder everyone on the planet. Luckily, you're in the center of the universe, so you have lots of traveling options.	89.1%
	Bizarro World Me love having not to write this non-description. It is so much fun. No one on Bizarro world talks like this. They are all so smart. You should stay here forever and make friends with everyone. Bizarro World is not stupid.	60.9%

How the fuck...

So after a very boring New Orleans experience (Remy, I blame you.) and all mourning over Hag aside... We are now in Gotham city with Julian, A.K.A. Hellion, and Laura, A.K.A. X-23. So far, things have been okay.

Except for one teeny tiny problem.

My GENIUS of a husband has... Stolen the Bat Mobile. It's still sitting in the parking garage, even. And where is Mr. LeBeau? Not here. He took Julian to go steal the car.

I just... I have nothing to say about that. Other than he deserves the kick in the pants that I'm going to give him. Biiiig time. I told him, before we left to go to Gotham, no. Do not try it. I don't want you landing your ass in jail.

I'm relatively sure he's in jail right now. I am not bailing him out if he is! He did this to himself! There are some things he can charm me into agreeing to, none I'll say here of course! Let your imaginations run wild, darlings.

The other day, Laura, her daughter Sofie, and I went to get ice cream. That trip  itself was boring, but when we got back... We had a very touching conversation. We're friends. And that warms my heart to no end.

Then, yesterday... Namor infiltrated the penthouse. I hate King of the Fish People so damn much it's not even funny. I will sacrifice my husband to him to SHUT HIM THE HELL UP.

Also. Met some kid named Sam Guthrie. He reminds me of Cid Highwind.

Love,
Mistress Myth

Miss Frost

Is somehow always right. No point trying to convince yourself otherwise. Fuckin' shit.

I can't wallow in self-pity. I have to put my foot down, I have to be strong again. Not just for myself. I won't be pushed around, and I won't play Penelope.

I'm done waiting.

Cost of Living on the Edge

Hag is gone. I feel alone.

I feel trapped. Why do I feel trapped? I'm not trapped. He wouldn't restrain me like this. Where's the girl who lived?! I survived, damn it! And I didn't survive to become someone's pet, someone's doll! Someone who's never even THERE!

He's never around when I need him, or even just want him there. And to bring us all the way out here like this? He had reason. To keep me here, hidden? Why?

How did I fall to this? How did someone who was practically a living symbol of freedom... Turn into this? I have fallen so far... And there is no hope of rising to the heights I once climbed.

I can see it now. She and I are one in the same. Burned out in the club, and don't know what to do with ourselves.

Mistress Myth.

Never Gonna Dance Again...

Hey, normies! Thank Deadpool for today's choice in music!

I love my husband, everyone knows that, right? He puts me through the most emotional turmoil at times. Monsieur LeBeau is surely the one, right? The man I'm meant to spend my life with... The father of the child I'm carrying...

But why is it that he's making me feel trapped? We're in New Orleans now, and I have my laptop with me. (You'd swear it's GLUED to my hip...) I'm heading to Gotham later today, though. Gonna do something nice for Hellion. -insert gagging noises- But back to the topic at hand.

He wants us to leave Utopia. Leave the X-Men. Leave it all behind. He may have friends down here in New Orleans, but... The last time I was here, I was either bleeding out on some old woman's COUCH, or too drunk to retain much. Sometimes both, depending on how old Hag felt. If I got too loud, "Here's some bourbon, brat. How the fuck're you gonna handle childbirth?"

I used to always say, "If I live that long..."

...Hag! If I can find her in the city..! Then maybe she'll help me. Yeah... Hag can definitely help me! She was always good, I think...

I miss her anyway. Wanna show her I'm still alive and kicking! Married, even, too! Ha ha... She won't act like she cares, but I think... She'll be proud. Yeah. I can't wait! Matter of fact, where's Pixie? We're gonna go see her NOW. Fuck waiting.

Love,
Mistress Myth.

Oh My GOD!

Bitches, I know I'm no saint. I'm sure as hell a sinner!

So... I saw this man, all clad in white... He said his name was Jean-Philippe... Fantomex. Those eyes... Oh, my heart couldn't slow! Wouldn't slow even if it could! His words, not unfamiliar French that spilled from lips oh so poisonous.

It felt like someone had slipped a sexy, seductive version of arsenic into my ears. Oh my god... He had me the moment he said, "Well, Mistress, I've been bad. Care to whip me?" And that was just the lust!

...Have to interrupt here, I'm pretty sure I just saw Angel fly through the halls naked, telling Emma he got what she wanted... I... Well. Um... This beats seeing Psylocke and Rogue practically screwing each other in the hall and LOUDLY proclaiming their love for each other... And then Hellion running off with Pixie and I just give up.

Back to the oh so lovely man I was telling you all about. Lust is all fine and dandy, obviously... But his words... Sweet, gentle whispers that made me want to stay with him. Even just in his arms... Oh, what he said to me... How he promised to erase the scars on my body... Told me all sorts of lovely things, the likes of which I have never heard a man say...

He is just the type of man... I think I truly want. I'm so confused... Remy... I love him dearly, but... It feels more like he wants to keep me trapped. Jean-Philippe... He makes me feel right! I don't feel... Like some butterfly pinned to the wall, to be admired. Let alone admired by a man who rarely seems to speak to me!

But... Remy... He makes my mind go blank when I see him, my cheeks go red... My heart skips beats when our eyes meet... I'm so confused...

Love,
Mistress Myth.

Insert witty happy remark here.

I know, I know. Another entry, so soon? I just can't help it! I'm so happy! Just being near him... I feel like, together, we could do just about anything!

I've never felt this safe before. I've never... Not in my entire life. Right now, I think... I've finally gotten what I wanted all along. I'm loved.

I am loved.

I want to cry so badly I am just that happy. This is how I want to live! Wrapped in this bliss... I don't need fancy things, or a crazy life... I just need this. People who care about me, a husband who loves me... I found heaven, and not through prayer, or begging a fictional God for it. I found it by earning it, and spending most of my life crying and bleeding for it.

Love,
Mistress Myth.
Autumn LeBeau.

Thrill Me, Chill Me, Fufill Me!

So, one. The woman who created me discovered The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Be afraid.

THAT ASIDE. I have my husband back in my arms. (And in my bed.) And we're taking Pixie and Victor to New Orleans for a vacation! So expect me to be quiet for quite some time. Especially if I get the chance to see more than the bedroom.

Oh, and did you all know that man lived in a fucking plantation house!? I can't wait to see it! I had no clue...

And he explained the deal with Blindfold... He really has something else living in his head. I hope I never have to see it. He said it's the Horseman of Death... So he and Warren have something in common. How is it this one is always falling for Horsemen of Death, hmmm?

I don't care. I have my husband, and I love him. I really... Oh god, it feels strange saying that. I love him.

I'm going back to bed now. He's awake again and I am so not done showing just how much I've missed him. Teehee~

Love,
Mistr

In The Mists of Morning

I feel like Penelope, from The Odyssey. Waiting for a husband that I don't know if he'll ever come home. He's been gone for a few days, I've lost count how many... No calls. Just that damn note sitting on the table. On top of that, Julian's flipped his shit, so we have a psycho TKing teenager.

Fucking lovely.

Pixie got kicked out by Emma. Partially why I decided to stay mute when I wanted to talk to Miss Frost. I don't wanna risk ending up on my ass. I... I think I've forgotten how to stand on my own two feet.

But... To be honest? ...I kind of like it. A lot. But at the same time... I lack the feeling of being loved. I look at his picture, and I want to burst into tears... I miss the sound of his voice, and it's pissing me off. How it felt to be in his arms, the taste of his lips, his scent... God, I'm pathetic.

Oh, fuck. Phone's ringing. Gimme a few.


Eek~! That was him, he's on his way home and I am going to end this now! Expect an update tomorrow!

Love,
Mistress My

T-T-T-Tell Me

What I should do...

Yep, Missy's got herself another update for all you non-Utopian normies! For the most part, things have been calm and quiet. Although, poor Blindfold's trying to tell us there's some kind of monster after everyone. I know we should take it to heart, but you can never tell if she means a real monster, or something like Julian.

Speaking of Julian... His and Laura's daughter got sent away. And Laura LEFT. Thank you, Miss Frost. And... Gambit went after her.

I shouldn't be angry or jealous, but I am. I feel like... Everyone else gets my husband's attention but me. He's off on an adventure to help Laura, which... Yeah, she needs it. I know that. I'm not angry...

But he kissed Ruth. Well, no. Correction, the Horseman of Death that likes to take over his body from time to time did it. Does that take the thorn out of my heart? No! Not in the slightest! All I can think is, "Damn it, you rotten Cajun bastard, I'm your wife and the mother of your child. Don't use excuses with me."

He didn't even tell me goodbye, you know? Didn't talk to me before he left. He left me a NOTE. A horribly rushed NOTE. I'm tempted to just... Go somewhere. Get off of Utopia and go off on my own for a while. I TOTALLY WOULD, TOO.

But I'm pregnant and I feel trapped. I can't take care of myself and this baby. I just... What should I do? I love the idiot, don't get me wrong. I love him. But he's never there and I hate this... Feeling lonely like this. Like I'm going to break. I keep crying every time I look at his side of the bed. I want him here, for more than just an hour a day. Not even a consistent hour. Five, ten minutes here, thirteen there, another seven there...

Is this all some kind of joke to him?  Or is none of this real?

Mistress Myth

Not sure how I feel about this one...

ALRIGHT. FIRST. LIFE UPDATE, DAMN IT. Remy and I are married and expecting our first child. A little boy. Jeremie Victor LeBeau. I'm excited!

Hellion and X-23 had a bit of drama, and someone used their DNA to create a little girl. She's five, and living with us now. Sarah Sofia Keller, but she likes to be called Sofie. Sometimes, you can't tell she's Hellion's daughter. Other times, it's painfully obvious.

...I ruined Victor's life. His now ex-boyfriend nearly killed me and the baby... And after that, I guess something happened. I broke. I found myself trapped... Not in an illusion. In an alternate world. That aside... I guess it was my power amped up by fear?

...Back to Sofie. THIS CHILD IS TOO CUTE. She lets me read her fairytales and stuff. And she has my old room, right? Well, it has a bunch of fairy statues hanging from the ceiling. The little sweetie loves them. Makes me wish Jeremie was a girl... Which, we do have a girl name picked out!

Marie Odette LeBeau

Pretty, huh? Something just... I thought Marie and couldn't help it. Then I wanted something beautiful to go with it, and thought of Swan Lake. I hope, someday, I can have this little girl.

All the cute aside, classes started on Utopia. Ha ha, kiddies! ALSO. SURGE. NORIKO ASHIDA. I WANT TO STRANGLE HER AND THROUGH HER TO NAMOR. IS THIS WRONG?! NO. SHE'S A BITCH.

...Ahem. Anyway. -cough- I'm a good girl, honest. Surge is just a bitch and I want salmon sushi dipped in caramel sauce right now...

Anyway! Got a lot planned today. Shopping with Sofie and Pixie (I wanna get some maternity clothes, gonna be needing them.) then I'm gonna have Sofie come help me make some mermaids for her room.

Also~ This is something my writer bought and it came in today!

Victor and I!

All of these are basically the same, but variants and it's still sexy and homigod.

Roller Coaster

Life is a fucking roller coaster and damn it, I want off! I feel sick from all the emotions I've been going through since the Sentinels...

Victor's gone, but is apparently coming back. Hellion's a little jackass, nothing new there, and I'm pregnant.

Yeah.

Fighting Sentinels and Nimrods was so much fucking easier.

Mistress Myth

Hello, Mrs. LeBeau

One last funeral and then Remy and I left Utopia for New Orleans for a vacation! And apparently to get married at City Hall, my god. This is the first time since we left Utopia that I've had a chance to get hold of my laptop! (On that note, my god, I may love seeing that man naked, but god damn, I would have liked to see the city, too!)

And then Miss Frost informed me today that there are new mutants. Our generation will not see the end of the mutant race, thank god. We did it. We really did it.

So, now that life is starting to calm down and I've gotten some rest (And a newfound desire to beat Colin senseless. Condoms? Really? Cols, sweetie, I'm fairly certain Remy and I want kids.) I can finally go back to your lovable Mistress Myth!

You know, the little idiot who danced around at clubs and junk. The bitch you miss.

...GOD I wanna use an illusion really badly. I haven't done one in forever it feels like! Uuuuggghhh... -____- And I'm on VACATION. UGH. WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO.

On a different, less bitchy note. I'm worried. Remy's been asleep most of today. Perhaps he's finally worn himself out? (Oh thank god.) Don't get me wrong. I enjoy having sex. Hell, I love being in his arms, in his bed, and doing things I'm never disclosing here. This is not a place for porn. Absolutely not. Okay, maybe eventually. We'll see how the cards play out, after all. Ha ha. Seriously, though. I'm worried. He's slept so much and it's unusual...

Oh well, I'm sure the dumbass is fine. Just so long as I'm not stitching him up, I think I'm happy.

Nah, I know I'm happy. I'm with him. We're husband and wife. I'm a LeBeau woman now. And, hopefully, I can call myself a mother, too, someday. God, I hope so. I want that, so badly...

No, he still does not know, and he never will know. My secrets are staying buried deep like his are. I KNOW that little rat hasn't told me everything, and... Somehow. I'm fine with this. Okay, I'm working on being fine with this.

Also, I PROMISE to tell you all how Remy meeting my father goes!

.......
FUCK WHY DID I NOT BRING MY CAMERA. Ugh. Sorry, guys!

Love,
Mistress Myth!

War

...Nothing is worse than a funeral followed by being trapped in a big red DOME and having Sentinels and Nimrods sent after you. Jubilee, my squad leader, gave me one of her special gauntlet thingies... I still don't really know what all it did other than make my punches that much better. It helped though.

I felt alive out there, in a drastic contrast from how miserable it was that morning. I... I felt sure I would die yesterday. The funeral brought the shock of reality that we could all die. And shortly after that, my fiancée, Remy LeBeau, was sent to Limbo. I didn't see him the entire fight, thank god.

...During the fight... I took a harsh blow to the abdomen. I felt so sick, so in pain, and judging from the blood... I dunno. I doubt it. I wasn't pregnant...

That... That aside. I had to rescue Kageko, and... Everything was chaotic. I need Remy right now, I feel numb again...

This Is Real

...One of our own died. Kurt Wagner. Nightcrawler. His funeral will be some time today.

This... God, this hurts. It seems like just yesterday, he was showing me the lyrics to Silent Night in German so we could go caroling. I... I so regret lying to him. I lied and said I didn't know any. I just didn't want to sing anything relating to "God" or "Jesus"... Kurt, I am... So sorry. I'd do anything to go back in time and say yes.

I'm sorry, Kurt... We didn't protect you, and we should have. I fucking hope this girl is worth your death in the long run, because right now, she isn't worth it to us.

After seeing his corpse... We had to fight the man who killed him. Cyclops really demonstrated how strong he is when he blasted that fucker. I respect him... But I still hate him for sending Kurt out there. I'll...

I'll stop by the chapel today. Say a prayer. I know one prayer won't save me from where I'm going when I die. So... We'll never see each other again, Kurt. I'm sorry. It was... Fun while it lasted, right?


Remy... I swear to whatever fucking god there is, I won't let you down. I won't let you die.

...I love you, darling...

Love,
Mistress Myth

Beginning of a New Year

And what happens? Simple, we're told we're going to be risking our lives for a girl who will save the whole mutant race. I... I'm scared. I'm not going to lie. But, if it's to save the rest of us? ...Then, yeah, I'm gonna fucking charge head on!

We can't be selfish. I know there's not a lot of mutants left in this world, and those of us that are around need to be careful. If this girl can do what Cyke says, then we owe it to the whole mutant race to keep her safe and alive!

Even if it means dying out there, even if it means losing Remy, I'm ready. I'm prepared to give it everything I've got for this girl. Emma's got my team going with Namor to protect everyone. It means protecting Remy, too... I've gotta do my best, gotta give it my all!

I'm scared, yes. But, I won't back down. Everyone's counting on everyone else, right?

Love,
Mistress Myth


......
I forgot to tell him I love him...