Just Smile

Okay, at least I admit it. But all giggling over the sexy phantom in white aside.

Just figured I'd talk about myself for once. I don't really do it that often, so stop complaining. Found a song that seriously... Guh. You know a song that just describes you to a T? I found one for myself.

The video posted in this blog entry is totally it.

My parents did display public affection a few times, but never out in public. No one ever talked to me about love for anything other than god. Actually... Did my parents ever kiss?

I taught myself what "making love" was, I learned what a kiss was, all underground. I learned my own definition of love, and now I think... All love is? Is being hurt.

I hate learning what love is, when I think I've already felt it. This... Love that's going to go unrequited.

In my last entry, I basically fangirled all about Fantomex, yeah. I want him, on a complete physical and intellectual level. I know this. I acknowledge it fairly well. He's smart, sexy, and has this way with words. Oh, and what he can do with enough time and a woman in his bed...

Bad. No. Do not talk about sex on your blog, Autumn!

ANYWAY. BEFORE THIS GETS TRIPLE X RATED.

I... I still think I love Remy. I think I'm always going to. About half of my illusion was real. Half of it was him. I fell in love, for real, I think. It was a greedy love, at first. I was still a child. I only wanted him for myself, and never ever share him. I wanted to kiss him, feel his arms around me, and I thought that meant I was happy. Even now, I do want to hear him say he loves me.

But, now? I would rather he was happy with whoever he wants, and I was miserable if I had to be. The thought of him, smiling an honest smile, living the kind of life he wants to? It makes my heart skip beats and I know everything is okay. I'm fine if I have to watch him have a life without me, ever. I'll make my own life, but I'll be okay.

Just so long as he is smiling an honest smile, and loving his life.